Shijo-Tsushin/#16/HOLMES

Shijo-Tsushin #16 June, 1998

CONCERNS for a JAPANESE GIRL

by Jacqueline HOLMES

I am a white American who has been very close friends with a Japanese-American family since elementary school. We were neighbors and playmates in New York.

The mom moved back to Japan a year and a half ago, and she brought the two youngest children with her. The 5 year old has forgotten most of her English and loves her Japanese kindergarden -- she is totally like the other kids.

The only one who is really having a tough time is the 12 year old girl, who I am closest to. She spoke and wrote NO Japanese when she moved to Japan. She never attended Japanese school. In fact, she spent as much time with me and my family as she did with her own. She has been going to a regular Public School -- she just started Jr. High school.

It is hard enough to try to learn new academic subjects, and to figure out friendships and other things when you are 12 -- having to move and adjust to a whole new language, culture and writing system is so hard! As you know.

I recently spent 3 weeks living with her in Japan, and I saw how every minute of her day was hard work.

She has friends but always feels different. And so much of her time and energy is spent trying to catch up academically, that she is always tired and grouchy and feeling like she is failing.

I am worried that she will forget English -- or lose enough ability so she can't get into an American college, which she might want to do. She has also been spending so much time trying to learn Japanese that she has fallen so far behind in math, science, history, etc. that she can't do well in Japanese or even in English!

I am also worried that she will try so hard to fit in -- which most 12 year olds want to do, but especially in Japan -- that she will lose the good values of individualism and non-sexism that she learned in the US. I want her to learn the good cooperative values of Japan without losing these American values, so she can be an objective judge and take the best from both cultures.

Please just tell me if I am too nosy, but here are some questions for you:

What did you find was the hardest part of moving?
In which country did you go to college and why?
How long did it take you before you felt socially comfortable?
How long until you felt academically caught up?
Did you speak English or Japanese at home in Japan?
How did you keep up your English?
Did or do you have any organizations or places to go to speak English?

Do you have any other advice for me to convey to her about making the switch?

She at first thought the idea of "returning" to Japan was weird, because she thought of herself as a Japanese-American, not a Japanese. But now she is starting to be used to it. I'm trying to help as much as I can.

Thank you very much for your time. Good luck with your identity struggles!

CLICK to REPLY in English to the writer (using the e-mail of Mr. Eric Strauss)

Your mail will also be delivered to the editors.