Shijo-Tsushin #11 June, 1997
after traveling and living in several cities and towns in different countries, i felt like i belong to all those places, and at the same time, i felt like i just don't belong to anywhere. still feel that way. and i thought, maybe i just don't belong to any of those lil' "spots", but only to the people i love.
ain't that beautiful.
we just exist. we had no choice, and although our sences of value and other important little things are influenced by the culture and the custom we grew up in, it still reeeally doesn't matter who you are or what you are because you just ARE (get it?). being a "returnee (i love the term!)" allowes us to realize it, i think. so we rule (laugh).
but SOME PEOPLE AREn't. SOME PEOPLE (or the most people?) want to be same as everyone else (ahh, security... actually, they do try to be different, just like everyone else... hehehe) and that's why we are treated like canned-sardines.
but one of these days, they will discover themselves being non-people, and they'll regret and lament for wasting a big chunk of their precious time and a chance to exist as a true self, but it will be all too late.
I wonder if they can really love one another and be truly happy and secure without even being.
in spite of all the hard times, "visible-air," over-priced everything and the city of capitalism that is so big that it seems to swallow every poor soul in the country, i still like japan just as much as other countries because they have good candy, rice, the best walkmans and fish here... and the people who still favor me.
and this place makes me feel that i'm lost in my own special way, not just lost like everyone else. makes me feel "naturally different (also called 'unfitting')" anyhoo, being naturally different is coo, and being depressed is coo (means you got some brain) and everyone's just so coo. just relax and have a sip of mountain dew and you're all set!
so, there's my beeeautiful essay (blah). not as serious as most people's (not even close), but after dealing with that problem for so long, i couldn't help becoming cynical (laugh), more laid-back and less earthling-like.
i mean, it is the fact that we are minorities, and since this society is so blindly democratic (which it is supposed to be), we minorities just have to deal with it. so i thought, we might as well just have fun with the circumstance...
i certainly hope that, people who are suffering from identity crises for being multiple-cultured and complicated, "no-one-understands-me" identity, will be as stupid and braindead as i am and dreadfully happy without any artificial substances.
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